Archive for the ‘husband’ Tag

The Price of Freedom for Independence from a Troubled Marriage   Leave a comment

Independence and freedom from troubled marriages comes at a high price.

After the Fourth of July BBQs are over and after the fireworks are gone, many Americans are thankful for the independence they have today but this may not extend to everyone. Many are still trapped in a troubled marriage and trying to reestablish their independence even though the price of freedom doesn’t come cheap.  

A recent analysis conducted by Pew Research Center shows that households with children headed by single parents have increased from eight percent in 1960 to 33 percent in 2011. The divorce rate has increased from 2.2 in 1960 to 3.6 in 2009 

PR 2013_11 Sweet On Me SDT-2013-07-single-fathers-02

So what’s the price of freedom these single parents have paid? …Read more

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Looking For Equality Within A Marriage   Leave a comment

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave – Martin Luther”

Marriage equality

Pew Research Center recently conducted an analysis of each parent’s total workload, comprising paid work, child care and housework. It found that in dual-income households, fathers put in, on average, 58 hours a week, compared with 59 hours for mothers but the distribution between paid work, housework and childcare was quite different. In households where the father is the sole breadwinner, his total workload exceeded that of his partner by only 11 hours (57 vs. 46 hours per week) but in households where the mother is the sole breadwinner, her total workload exceeded that of her partner by about 25 hours (58 vs. 33 hours per week).

Is it any wonder that working mothers often perceive inequalities within their own marriages?  …Read more

Why do younger women prefer older men?   Leave a comment

So, “Star Wars” creator George Lucas, 69, wed his longtime girlfriend, Mellody Hobson, 44, recently.

Thinking about the older man, younger woman relationship (which I have also explored recently in Sweet on Me), I was trying to summarize the reasons why younger women prefer older men. Could it possibly be because of:

  • her search for love/connection? Women are more focused on making a connection earlier on in their lives. It would be easier for her to connect with a more matured and established man, than someone her age who is still consumed with driving his career (and not connecting with her!).
  • her need to feel significant? She would have the freedom to drive her career and not be competing with her other half (or worrying about who’s going to be there for the kids!) as he would have already hit the peak of his career and established his own financial independence.
  • his ability to provide her with stability and security? The older man would be emotionally more matured, grounded and wiser – better able to focus on having a serious relationship and fatherhood.
  • his wealth of experience? With age comes experience. With experience, comes knowledge from which she would benefit.
  • the freedom to pursue her career? She has the option of driving her career when he retires and stays home with the kids, just like Xerox CEO Ursula Burns.

Thoughts, anyone?

Dad’s First Father’s Day – Five Ideas to Happiness   Leave a comment

It’s three a.m. and the baby is still crying. Exhaustion, sleep deprivation and lack of intimacy with your partner have become a normal part of life over the past few months. With approximately 4 million babies born in the United States annually and Father’s Day just around the corner, is it any wonder that many new dads are asking themselves, “Is this what fatherhood is all about? Surely there must be more to it than just this.”

There is and it is possible to embrace life as a new dad.

But seriously – is embracing fatherhood really that important?

President Obama grew up without his dad, and has said that being a father is the most important job he has. According to the National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse (NRFC), an Office of Family Assistance (OFA) funded national resource, “fatherlessness is a growing crisis in America, one that undergirds many of the challenges that families are facing. When dads aren’t around, young people are more likely to drop out of school, use drugs, be involved in the criminal justice system, and become young parents themselves.” This is not a small issue since out of the estimated 70 million fathers in the United States in 2011, about 16% or 25 million men had children younger than 18.

So, where does one start?

It begins when the new baby comes home, and you adjust to life as a proud dad. No one plans to fail but many fail to plan.  Here are some ideas for this Father’s Day to all the new and not-so-new dads out there:

    • Chill out – You need your own personal space and the opportunity to retreat into your man-cave. The only thing is – make sure your partner understands why you are doing it. You don’t want her to misconstrue it and think that you are avoiding her. Be fair. Offer her the same time out for herself.
    • Take charge – Be responsible for some tasks. It will please her, make her appreciate you even more and contribute to the peace at home. If you can’t do it, get professional help. Hire a cleaning service. Hire a doula who can assist by providing information, physical assistance and emotional support. If your partner is having problems breastfeeding, don’t try to understand her stress. Just be as supportive as you can and get a professional lactation consultant to help.
    • Bring out the Don Juan in you – Missing the good old days? It’s true there’s a new love in her life but she still loves you. It may be hard to tear her away from her newborn (near impossible in the beginning, actually!) but time together – alone – can help rebuild the intimacy in your relationship. Give her alternatives she can be comfortable with, like getting a trusted family member or friend to help babysit for an hour or two.
    • Be Sherlock Holmes – Do you feel she’s not the same woman you fell in love with and she’s taking you on an emotional rollercoaster which you just can’t wait to get away from? In some cases, she may be experiencing some level of postpartum depression. According to womenshealth.gov, about 13 percent of pregnant women and new mothers have depression. Seek advice from a doctor. You can’t handle this alone.
    • Pay it forward – Take the President’s Fatherhood Pledge. That’s why President Obama is joining dads from across the nation in a fatherhood pledge – a pledge that fathers will do everything they can to be there for their children and for young people whose dads are not around.

So, how are you going to make your Father’s Day different this year?

Looking for a hero   Leave a comment

Looking for a hero

Having just delivered a baby, faced with engorgement as her breasts overflow with milk, where does a woman turn to for help? The one closest to her, the one whom she believes can save her, the one whom she puts all her faith into finding a solution for her .. her hero, her saviour, her husband.

Breastfeeding is never easy for a new mother and when her body becomes a stranger to her in the middle of the night, behaving in ways unfamiliar to her, giving her pain beyond anything she ever imagined before, she turns to the love of her life for help.

But often … can love be enough when the solution is not what she expects? Desperate times call for desperate measures … but is she desperate enough? She wants to be saved, but when his actions take her beyond her comfort zone, pushing her into the realm of the unknown … is it enough for the ends to justify the means?

As a man, he wants to be her hero, her knight in shinning armour ~ the one who keeps her safe … but how can he protect her from herself? How can he stop her from turning on him when the solution he presents to her is something she isn’t ready to accept?

And yet despite everything, she still wants her hero to save her.

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